I know I have several months' worth of pictures and a birth story to post, but there's a topic I've been thinking about for a while, and this week's controversial
Time Magazine brought it to my attention again: the mommy wars.
Time Magazine's cover of a 26 year old mother nursing her three year old son started a firestorm of protestations about how perverse or weird it was, comments about how formula feeding is better or as good as breastfeeding (Really? We're going there again? I know some women can't breasfeed, and I don't condemn them, but it's been scientifically proven over and again that breast is best), and just plain nastiness. Now, I've been nursing for the last five years, and Mercy was nearly three until she weaned, so I think extended breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, but the whole theme of the magazine was attachment parenting, and extended breastfeeding is only one small part of that. But instead of perhaps showing a photo of Dr. Sears, the well-known AP champion, they feature a breastfeeding mom with the words "Are You Mom Enough?" Fantastic job,
Time. Instead of bringing a great alternative parenting style to the public's attention and helping to normalize extended breastfeeding in our culture, something that's normal in most of the world, you toss gasoline on the flames of an already hot debate and cutthroat occupation--motherhood. Way to be divisive!
Home birthers are ignorant morons, risking their own, and worse, their babies's lives. Moms who birth in the hospital or take pain meds aren't woman enough to do something so natural on their own.
Stay at home moms are lazy and spend all day having fun and doing nothing meaningful. Working moms are allowing other people to raise their children.
Attachment moms are helicopter moms whose kids will never learn to do anything for themselves, and non-attachment moms are disconnected and cold.
Breastfeeding moms are perverted and just want to flash their breasts in public. Bottle feeding moms are depriving their babies of nutrients and putting their intelligence and immunity at risk.
Peaceful parents are permissive, and disciplinarian parents are harsh and abusive.
Homeschooling moms are distrustful and raising maladjusted failures. Moms who send their children to school just don't want to be bothered with their academic well-being.
Parents who don't vaccinate are endangering the whole world, and parents who do are lemmings, blindly following the dubious recommendations of the APA and risking autism.
I've even noticed this among Christian moms...the competition, the my-way-is-better-than-your-way, or worse, my-way-is-the-only-way. It goes on and on. I find it particularly disturbing among my Christian friends because we truly do want the same thing: to bring up healthy, happy children who love Jesus, and are productive members of society. And really, no matter what the background, all good parents just want the best for their kids, so why all the competition? Why can't moms support one another and respect the different ways of approaching motherhood? The how-to books don't take into consideration different personalities and temperaments (of the parent AND child) and the best way for one family may be the WORST way for another family. We moms, who intimately know our children, sometimes have a hard time figuring out what's best for them, so having someone else tell us what's best is downright insulting. We really need to give one another the benefit of the doubt before we judge whether someone is a good or bad mom.
Here's to the moms. Whether you're an attachment parent or not, a homeschooler or not, a stay-at-home mom or not, motherhood is one of the hardest jobs on earth, and there are very few moments of immediate gratification. The everyday battles are often fraught with uncertainty. I mean, none of us knows if we're doing it right until our children turn out. It's a marathon...an 18 year marathon (at least!)... not a sprint, and moms deserve a month, not a day, to celebrate the blood, sweat, and tears that go into bringing up our children. Happy Mother's Day!
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